CosmicSandBox’s Weblog

The spiral shape tends to inspire feelings of openness, freedom and adventure. It appears full of possibility. The circle on the other hand, is a closed system. Whatever you start with you finish with, so there isn’t opportunity for new adventure or imagination.

Circles are very useful, however, which is why they are pervasive in our culture. We have countless variations of the wheel serving all manner of utilitarian purposes. Our Newtonian science is based on the circle of cause and effect, action and reaction in a continuous circle. We don’t seem to have much use for spirals on the material plane of life because it is open ended.

When we use the circle of reaction method in relationships with others and nature itself, it shows itself to be inadequate in dealing with the complexities of life. This is evident in all the conflicts in the world today, which are fueled by individuals and nations in continuous circles of reaction to each other. The old Hatfield’s and McCoy’s feud lives on in different costumes.

It seems to be time to use an expanded paradigm of thinking and relating to each other and the world at large. By opening the circle into a spiral, we give ourselves the opportunity to respond instead of react. What is the difference? REACT means ‘to act in return or opposition or towards a former state’ (like a circle). RESPOND means ‘to answer’ (more open).

Reactions are mostly automatic, like a knee-jerk reaction to stimulus. It is just “a happening”; and therefore, we don’t feel we have any control over it. However, in truth, we do have control and we do have a choice; but we don’t apply it to situations in which our buttons are pushed. Someone attacks us physically or verbally and a primal reaction is triggered. Our society has always condoned reacting by striking back in like kind– no questions asked.

Responding, or answering, on the other hand implies taking time between the initial action and the answer or response. This newly created time space offers opportunity for processing information by listening to the other. It lends a feeling of open-mindedness to consider various alternatives to raw reaction. We have time and space to possibly “walk in the other’s shoes” for a few moments, which would enable one to see a different point of view. This in turn could lead to an understanding of why the other did or said what they did. With understanding comes a space for cooperation, and even compassion in some cases.

A good example of responding is found in the practice of non-violent communication. which uses the “Jack in the Box” method of communication. This is how it works. You place your order at the drive-thru speaker box. Jack responds by repeating what you ordered. Then you respond by affirming whether or not they heard you right. If not, you continue the interaction until you know that Jack in the Box fully understands your order.

If Jack simply ‘reacted’ to your order by giving it to the cook without verifying it with you, your order could possibly be wrong about half of the time. Jack’s owners learned this early on and chose to respond instead of react. They didn’t want employees assuming they understood what the customer said. Assuming is a huge problem with reaction as it is based solely on one’s individual limited perception of the situation regardless of what others are saying or doing.

Do you agree that we need to learn how to change from circles of reaction to be able to flow into spirals of response? To be able to respond we must learn to listen to others with our heart instead of reacting to words with our biased minds. Try this simple exercise. Listen with your heart to your spouse, children, co-workers, fellow students for just one day. Don’t interrupt anyone by talking over them. Just listen. Take a breath. Wait and feel if you need to respond verbally. Many times you will find there’s no need to say anything. Simply by listening with your heart, they felt heard and seen. Your spiral of response has opened up an infinite world of possibilities.